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I am thinking about my own mortality!
Just as I was about to sit down, relax and enjoy the holidays, my daughter reminded me that schools are reopening inless than a couple of weeks.
‘A couple of weeks! My holidays are over and I have not done anything fun.’ I thought to myself. Though the answer was obvious, it was strange that for the first time in years I let my only free time go to waste like that.
Well, it was a busy year for me. Right until the week before Christmas! With the ups and downs I had in 2011, my wish was to end the year on a high note.Nothing was going to put me down. And I almost won. Unfortunately, I counted my chickens before the eggs hatched.
The 18th December took it all away. I was getting ready for my annual December holidays trip when I heard that Jason Wessenaar died. He was an HIV activist who played a role in my life during my early days of coming out as a person living with HIV. Like everyone who knew him, I was shocked by his death.
“But the last time I saw him he looked so healthy. What could have happened?” I asked myself assuming he died from an AIDS related illness.
I wrestled with a few theories (from treatment failure to cancer) about what could have killed him. That was the only logical explanation I could come up with for his death. “He was probably sick.” I thought to myself.
I was wrong!
The following day I got more details about what happened to him. He was murdered. Brutally killed at his home.
That really got me confused. Its not like I didn’t know that people get killed this way everyday in my country. I have always had it in my head that people like Jason, me and many others who are living with HIV will probably die from AIDS than anything else. I had to attend his memorial service and hear it from other people who were there to really believe that he died under thosecircumstances.
Though I cannot claim to have been very close to him in the last year, his murder spoiled the festivities for many people who knew him including me. It was a sad way to end 2011.
Thismade to think about my own mortality. I wondered just how much time do I have on this planet. Unfortunately I don’t know and I don’t think anyone knows. Even more crazy to think about is that the odds of me dying from AIDS have become very slim because of treatment. I might die from something else like heart attack or a freak accident.
After his memorial service, I thought to myself - I have so many things I still want to achieve for my children and myself. Some I have been postponing simplybecause I thought ‘I still have time’. Forgetting that, there are other deciders to my mortality that I don’t have control over.
Jason’s death reminded me that I am not immortal. Not that he took his mortality for granted, but his death motivated me not to take life for granted. I have now committed myself to finishing most of my projects I had in mindand 2012 will be the year to kick most of them. The trick is to stay focused.
As I write this, I am reminded of a quote by Andrew Honey, the publisher and Group CEO of Entrepreneur Magazine South Africa. He was recommending books for business people to read during holidays.
“My experience suggests that of all the people who read this column and think it would be a great idea to go out and purchase one of the recommended books, only around 10% will untimely do so.
Of the 10% who go out and buy a book, only 10% will read it cover to cover……….. These are the 1% who are the true beneficiaries; those men and women who have focused, with relentless pig-headed discipline and determination………” Then he concluded by saying “ I trust you are one of them!”
I hope this quote makes sense to you too even though you might not be in business. Make your 2012 count and not let HIV be the deciding factor for you.
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